damonjustisntfunny.com

Having recently finished my Opus Magnus Podcatitcus I find myself occasionally in need of new and interesting ways to spend my free time in-between doing laundry, going to work, and eating eggs. As anyone with an internet connection will attest, there is nothing quite as time-consuming, or life-force-draining, as surfing the internet via search engine and news aggregator for nothing in particular (which is not particularly easy to find, I have learned). Click here, and then there, and then type in a keyword or two and suddenly you are in an unknown and yet to be explored realm of information, photos, videos and only you know what else.

Or: so you thought.

I have recently discovered a new pastime even more fascinating than locating what I am looking for on the internet: finding what others are looking for. Now there has been some recent legal hubbub about search engines revealing user’s search results to the government or the highest bidder but this does not concern me in the least because I am not the government and I don’t have enough money to bid on these glorious findings. What I do have, however, is my own website and with this acquisition I found I am privy to a fascinating collection of data pertaining to the people who have arrived at my portal.

Specifically: what search string a particular user had entered in his search engine that brought him to this website.

Of course, the usual suspects abound: people searching for “Damon Timm” and “audiobook memoir podcast” find there way here (thankfully); but other, more unusual, searches seem to trigger a hit on this website — some of which are quite amusing. For example, every month a handful of people visit damonjustisntfunny.com in search of either “poontang” or “coitus” (arriving fairly disappointed, I would assume). There also seems to be an overwhelming desire to hear some kind of Christmas Waltz regardless of the time of year.

Below is a small collection of the particularly amusing search strings I have found over the past year that have made me laugh, cry, and sometimes scratch my left calf. If you happened upon this website through the use of one of these search phrases don’t be afraid or ashamed: I won’t tell anyone (unless they offer me a lot of money or claim to be a member of some government or another).

king damon · sissy sodomised · Blog about being funny on the radio · Website address misunderstood amusing · clown bad scary · omnificent · opus Issaquah · eustachian tube blower · -she -her he performed oral sex in my sleeping bag · profile of mildly dyslexic adult · your blogs are funny · asshole father · tarp tent fold · funny tea experiences · meaning of prostitis · definition post prandial · does johnny damon have a myspace · homemade euphoria

If anyone has any idea how a search for “eustachian tube blower” returns this website I would love to hear it — I have no recollection of mentioning a eustachian anything ever under any circumstance for any reason ever.

But of course: arriving here after a search for monificent is terrifyingly self-evident.